Okay so far today, its been very hard work. The things I have for sale to help with vets bills ect aren't selling. Jackory wouldn't eat or take any treats. I'm tired, my shoulders ache and to top it all I want to go to Queensferry to Liddles to do some shopping but I need to go and get some money. The house looks a tip although I've tidied it. For some unknown reason I have been hankering over the last 48 hours to keep chickens in the garden. Why?????
And, on a better note but for some reason it has just totally unsettled me is that my daughter has started to have her second baby. She is in Ireland... So I'm unsettled. I want to hop on a plane and go to her to "look after"...do the grandmotherly thing with all the enthusiasm and energy I had three years before M.E.
And I've been thinking. Reason is kicking in. I can't beat the tumour thing. Its too big too nasty too mean. I feel a bit like David, tackling Golliath but without the courage. Plus, if it is all "meant to be" who am I even as Jack's "mum" to get in the way. I wish wish wish I could just see the bloke who is to have him, you know do a hand over. With Jack well and happy and wagging his tail.
I am cross unhappy sad angry, pining to go to see Gem, wanting I guess normality. I am angry cos I got cross with Jackory this morning who wouldn't take his urinary support or the N-tense indeed he wouldn't take anything.
I daren't look at any more cards. Not yet anyway. I've been really thinking for some reason on these chickens, the only thing that puts me off is the money for the run and the coop, and plus "rats". When you do a search about chickens at home, the inevitable "rat" pops up.
I don't like them very much, or mice. I know they are hard, once there, to be "rat free". Yet God must have put them on our planet for some reason??? And someone phoned for a reading but I am at sea again with everything today and can't ground enough to do a reading.
Maybe I just need a project, something to do. I have to do my paperwork and keep putting it off. And it 's a nice day. Perhaps if we sat out in the garden again Jackory would be keen one eating.
Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I need to get out, even for a coffee. I need my Redbush tea anyway. I've run out. I love my redbush tea. Like a hug, in a mug.